3MOTIONALLY D3PR3SS

PAST IS PAST:

2009-09-26T23:54:00.004-04:00

"Love is the passion that we feel inside of our hearts that we can't hide.

We pretend to hide it, but it burns us more and more

until the pain grows and grows and it never ends."

"Passion... it's the atmosphere, the noise, it's the time, the taste, the smell,

and the sense of being. I think it's being alive at a point where it's so joyful it can almost be painful."

Sa lahat ng naisulat ko sa blog na to, puro nalang lungkot, iyak, at sakit mababasa nyo.. Pero ngyon magsisimula na ako magsulat ng mga masasaya sa buhay ko.. actually narealize ko na bakit ko ba sinusulat yung past ko?? And if anyone noticed it its all about love.. nyayyy... Kasi sa love naging masaya at malungkot ako.. And I want to share it to those whos been reading my blog..

Sa mga naranasan ko, sa mga napag daanan ko. Walang makakapaniwala kung malalaman ng iba. Madaming mga bagay na nangyayari na hindi natin inaasahan. Simula nagkaisip ako, may isang bagay akong gustong magawa. At ngyon nakikita ko ng malapit na mangyari yun. May mga taong ang tingin siguro sakin is pabaya, walang direksyon ang buhay. But kung alam lang nung mga taong yun kung anung pinag dadaanan ko sa mga sandaling to.. Malalaman nilang mali sila..

Ilang beses na akong hinusgahan at siniraan... Madami ng taong sumira ng buhay ko.. Marami ng taong nagtangkang pabagsakin ako.. Marami ng taong umapak sa pag katao ko... Marami ng taong pilit akong binubura sa mundo.. Pero eto parin ako, nakatayo.. Kahit anung galit at pagkamuhi ang nararamdaman ko sa kanila hindi ko magawang gumawa ng paraan para gantihan sila... Kahit nasa harap ko na sila, hindi ko magawang magsalita ng masama... Masyado ba akong mabait para respetuhin pa yung mga taong malaki ang kasalanan sakin?? Kaya ba hindi nila ako tinitigilan kasi wala akong ginagawa para ipagtanggol yung sarili ko?? Kaya iniisip nilang duwag ako??

Pero bakit ako gaganti sa mga walang kwentang tao? Bakit ko sasayangin yung oras ko sa mga taong "ika nga ng iba" " mga taong hindi busy" ahaha.. Pero sa totoo lang kahit madami na silang ginawang masama sakin hindi parin nauubos ang respeto ko sa kanila..

Maraming nangyari in my past, Theres alot of things I chose to keep just for the sake of others.. Me, not thinking myself.. Im the one who's got alot of hurt..

Madaming mga bagay din akong nagawang mali.. Pero sa mga maling yun, madami akong natutunan, I saw things in different ways now. Nagsisisi ako but not so nagsisisi. Maraming nangyayari sa buhay ko na hindi pangkaraniwan. Na hindi nararanasan ng ibang tipikal na 21 years old kid.. Lahat ng mga nangyari sa buhay ko, sa personal, sa lovelife and sa friendship. Yung mga pangyayaring yun ang tumulong sakin bilang maging mature sa lahat ng bagay..

Pero lahat ng pangyayaring yun, nakaraan na.. Tapos na.. Sabi nga nila ibaon nalang lahat sa limot... Pero hindi ko gagawin yun.. Dahil kung kakalimutan ko lahat ng mga nakaraan ko,? parang kinalimutan ko na din yung buong pagkatao ko... I don't think I need to forget those things, I just need to set them aside so I can totally moved on..

Kung nasan mang sitwasyon ako ngyon, masaya na din ako.. Madami pang mangyayari, i know.. Pero handang handa ako.. Kahit sa anu pa at sino pa dumating sa buhay ko..

I MOVED ON: YES I AM!!!

2009-09-11T14:50:00.000-04:00

"Lead me not into temptation, heaven help me to be strong.

I can't fight all that I'm feelin', and I can't do it alone. Help me break this spell that I'm under, guide my feet and hold me tight.

I need 10,000 angels watchin' over me tonight."

I've been through in alot of heart troubles this past few years, months, weeks, days, hours, minutes and seconds.

But still I am standing here, looking forward in alot of things that can happen in my life. I never lose my confident in LOVE.

I can't say that I don't wanna love anymore again. I am willing to fall in love again and again and again,.. but in the right time. In time I know Im gonna fall inlove again ang get hurt all over again. But I am ready to face all the consequences if it's gonna happen.

I know I am not that strong but I can assure myself that I am not that weak either.

In LOVE I believe that theres alot out there can happen in just one click. We never know when we fall inlove again.

In my experience I know I need to learn more lessons to make myself more confident and stronger.

Looking at myself right now is like looking at a blank wall. NO COLOR. NO SHINE. NO LIFE.

BUT I MOVED ON!!!

Yes I am. Im going to stand straight again. Its hard to forget all of my heartache but I am willing to learn. I don't need to forget it. I just need to learn how to have a real life again. And be happy. Its hard but I know, time will come. I will be happy again.

"Love is a noble act of self-giving, offering trust, faith, and loyalty. The more you love, the more you lose a part of yourself, yet you don't become less of who you are; you end up being complete with your loved ones."

"Love is not about finding the right person, but creating a right relationship. It's not about how much love you have in the beginning but how much love you build till the end."

I FELL IN LOVE AGAIN: "A SWEET SHORT LOVE"

2009-09-05T16:00:00.000-04:00

"Falling in love and fixing a broken heart have something in common:

they both take time."

"Love is like the flame of a candle;

both can be extinguished in the quickness of one breath."

Yes guys. I fell in love again. This person is so sweet, childish, and sometimes so immature. Last march I went home(philippines) and we went out a lot. We tried to ignore our feelings for one another but we end up more into it. So as days pass by, we still see each other a lot. Almost everyday. One day He brought me to their home, He wants me to meet his family. His mother was so nice, so warm, so accommodating. So as His sisters. After that day we started to date seriously. Every time I am with Him I felt so calm and just be myself. We did a lot of things together. Watch movie, eat outside, shopping. He's my conscience, because he always stop me every time I can't control myself buying clothes or anything I want. The first time we watched movie the "SHOPAHOLIC" ever since He called me that. AHAHA He knows I love shopping. And sometimes we argued about that. This guy is always act like a child. But when I am the one who’s acting like a child He get annoyed.. AHAHA.. I did that every time I want to pissed Him.. LOL.. I remember the first time we went out. We went to Shangri La mall, and we ate at Kimono ken. I laugh so hard when he told me that my eyes showed something in my mind. Like planning something or thinking something because of my eyes expressions.. AHAHA I am so transparent.. ha-ha.. That’s why no matter how hard I kept my feelings there’s always some people can see it through my eyes.

This was our FIRST FORMAL DATE:

The memories I will never ever forget in this relationship was 1. the first time we went out in a formal outfit. He has a friend whos celebrating a debut he ask me if I can be hes date.. Before that day I was wondering what kind of drees i should wear. I dont know. The day before we went to the mall. WOOO SHOPPING. And yah I finally found a dress and a cute sandals. The driver drop us in the hotel where the party is. Soo shy.. But He kiss me then sed ur so beautiful thats ok. AHAHA BOLA. After the party we went to starbucks (OMG STILL IN THAT DRESS) sooo shyy.. hehe..

This was our SECOND FORMAL DATE:

The second was in his cousins wedding. We agreed that we were going to that wedding together. But the night before the wedding He called me saying that His cousin is in their house piccking him up coz he want to go to the wedding with my guy. That pissed me off. But its ok. So we decided that on the wedding day I need to go to their house so me and His family can go together. So I did. But the funny thing is I lied to Him. I told Him I can't go to the wedding because of the emergency thing happens. So he felt sorry. I arrived to their house around 4pm. So his two sisters and I are getting ready for the party. And roy keep texting me saying "I wish u were here" I was laughing out laud. So silly me. So when were at the car He called His sister, so this sister told him that Im with them. AHAHA no more surprise. But when we arrived to the reception and he open the door beside me. We was so surprise to one another, why? because Hes so handsome in a long sleeve black striped polo and He told me I am so beautiful in a Purple dress.. AHAHA BOLA.

But after 4 months our relationships end. For the second time I saw a pictures of Him with his X gf in he's friendster account. I forgive Him when i saw some picture the first time. But this second time? I gave up. I broke up with Him. Yes I got jealous. But you know whats really pissing me off? Is the fact that He's picture with His xgf is in the same account where Our pictures are. I felt cheated and humiliated. Is ok if it is a group picture but no, the picture was intimate. It hurts me. I know I hurt Him too when I broke up with him. But I felt lost. I need time to think. I need to find myself again. In our relationship theres to much pressure. Especially when I came back here in canada. I missed Him, He missed me. No matter how we express our feelings through chat still not enaugh. So we decided to just split up and go on with our lives. I have lots of responsibilities here. So as he. Were ok now. Were still talk. AS A FRIEND. Our memories deserved to be kept.

"When love was knocking on my door, I had to pretend I wasn't home;

that way, I would never be hurt again.

I will always regret that decision."

"“Some people believe that holding on and hanging in there are signs of strength,

but there are times in life when it takes much more strength to just let go.”"

MY THIRD TRUE LOVE: "A MOST LIKE DESTINY"

2009-09-04T02:02:00.000-04:00

"Dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go;

be what you want to be, because you only have one life to live

and one chance to do all the things you want to do."

I can only discribe this love in 3 words, " love, anger and controlled".

LOVED and CONTROLLED: I've been so in love with Him. Eversince I met Him, I did everything for Him. Everything He wants I did. He got jealous to all my guy friends. So just to make Him happy, I avoid my friends. If i want to go out, like went to the mall or wherever i want I need His permission. But its ok with me coz I love him. I've been so honest, faithfull and loyal to Him. Theres one time, my friend having a party in a bar he invited me. So i ask Him if i can go. After an hour he sed yes. So I went to the party. Old friends are there. That night is almost perfect. ALMOST. Why? Because, I think i've been in the party about an hour and here He come. He's waiting outside to fetch me. NICE.. I did'nt even finished my ice tea. But because I LOVE Him. It's ok. Even though my friend asked me, REALLY? YOU GOING HOME ALREADY? Well what can I do.? My boss is waiting outside.. hehehe I felt so controlled. Everything I did, I did for Him. The sad is I lost my freedom and the worst it felt like i lost my LIFE. But I accepted all the consequences. Because I love Him.

ANGER: This relationship end up with anger. I was so hurt. I never thought He can do that thing to me. I trusted Him. I gave everything I have. I did everything for him. But still He hurt me. He did a sin that I can't forgot and forgive. When I found out about that sin, I felt like my world collapse above me. Why? Why he did that to me? I never did anything wrong to him. The moment i found out i confronted Him. Well we fought because He caugh me holding His phone while crying. So I told Him I saw everything. I red everything. But still He denied everything. But I am not stupid. He even ask me to marry Him. He's family got mad at me because i did'nt accept the marriage proposal. But when I found out what He did to me. I am so thankful I refused to get married. But in the other side i thought He cheated on me because I did'nt accept His proposal. But I realize thats not enaugh reason to hurt me. To make me look stupid. I hated Him. I am so angry. I am so hurt. Everynight I cried. Everynight I woke up crying because I dreamed about it. I can't control my tears, my anger. I was so down and feel so alone. I pity myself. After that incident I became a loner. I always go out alone. I kept everything inside me. Until now even though were friends I still can't forgive Him. I can't forget How hurt I was.

MEMORIES: But theres one thing I never regreted having when were still together. I am so happy to have it in my life. And I will never ever forget about the surprise he organize for me. It was valentines day. He sed He just wanted to have lunch in a cozy restaurant in tagaytay. Yah we had lunch together. But after that lunch we went to tagaytay highlands. And He showed me His surprise.. But in that surprise I sed no.. So sad but I know to myself I am not ready yet so I refused. Now I know I did the right decision..

"Love is when thoughts of but one man fill your heart,

when he means more than life to you,

when you know you would do anything for him and shall die if he is taken from you.

Desire is when you ache to see him and touch him,

when he causes your body to burn and tremble.

Desire does not demand love before it can ensnare you,

but desire with love creates a powerful bond."

We don't know whats gonna happen to our lives. As far as I can see, were ok and were doing our best to our responsibilities. And I am happy about that. I hope your ok and happy. Because me, I am happy and contented for what I have right now.

MY SECOND TRUE LOVE: "MY LOVE CALLED SICK"

2009-09-03T22:07:00.000-04:00

"The things I remember most about being in love,

is the joy that lasted for a while, the smiles, the way you held me,

and all the tears I cried for deceiving me."

"I wish that my mom would have told me the same thing about guys

as she did about horror movies when I was 5,

""Don't worry honey it's all fake!""

What memories i can't forget about this love was the way how we met. It's so awkward, strange and different. That no one can understand. It's just me and that guy. And I should just keep it as a secret.

He was so nice. So gentle. He's a Doctor. And theres saying that. An apple a day keeps the doctor away. AHAHAHA.. Even how hard i avoid him, He never gave up. He always there. He gave me flowers and stuff toys. But the thing He never forgot to gave me is fruits. He always bring me fruits. He wants me to be healthy. My mom love's Him so much. So as my sisters.

That guy was so quiet. If you look at Him, He looks like He can never brake glasses. He's so slow. But everytime were together, He always makes me feel so especial. He always sed to me that I am the most beautiful and special patient He had.. ahaha..

I would never ever forget the time we argued at the phone. I was so pissed that time. Just to make it up to me, He leave His duty at the hospital where His working. Still in His Doctor suit He went to our house to say sorry. Thats so sweet. And there was this one time I went home from mall I can't breathe. So my mom brought me to the hospital. After the doctor checked me, BOOOMMM there he is.. He leave His work again for me.. Soo sweet..

But still after a year and a half, our relationship end. He did a very big mistake. That makes me decide to break up with Him. That thing is the only thing He did that cause me a lot of tears. I never expected he can do that. He never cheated on me. He was so faithful, honest and loyal. But that thing, I really can't forgive him. But even though we end up like this. I am so happy were friends now. We sometimes hang on our favorite hangout. At starbucks Morato.. ahaha..

What happens to us makes me realize that no matter how nice the person is. Definitely can make big mistake that nobody can accept. Thats what happens to us. I can't accept the mistake He did so I broke up with Him. I was so hurt and devastated. But its all in the past now. A memory that i might keep a lifetime..

"Who says time heals?! You don't get OVER the pain,

you just learn to get ALONG with the pain, in time."

"They say there's more pleasure in loving than being loved ...

but do they know how painful it is if it's unrequited?"

"No love can hurt as much as the love that can never be.

And, no thoughts can hurt as much as the thoughts of a love that could have been."

But I can see myself love and beloved again...

MY FIRST TRUE LOVE: "THE T.V SERIES LIKE"

2009-08-19T12:17:00.000-04:00

"Love is when there are a million things you want to say to someone,

but when they look you in the eyes and hold you in their arms

nothing in life matters other than being with that person at that moment."

I fell in love and got hurt so many times. I still remember the day when my heart was first broken. That love, I will never ever forget. That love will always be a part of me. That time was so difficult for me. The situation is so crazy. I felt so alone that time. Hurt and angry at the same time. I don't know who are the true people anymore. I want to, But I can't trust anyone. It's hard to be in a relationship that in both party they can't accept the situation or the relationship. You have to be strong. But sometimes there still a moment that I can't handle it anymore. Even though how hard we fight there still a time I found myself crying. And praying that everythings be accepted and respect.

That love, ohh that love. It's like a T.V series. To much actions and dramas. I never expected to be in that situation. Our friends sometimes told us that, the kind and situation we have in a relationship can be put in T.V, which is we agreed, then laugh.

I still remember the time we had misunderstanding. Just to make it up to me. He did'nt went to school, instead He waited me outside my school and then when He saw me with my friends He stand up in front of me holding a boquet of flowers and saying His sorry. I was so shocked and the only thing i did is put my hands in my mouth and sed " Oh my God HOWEH". Everybody looking at me. Looks like they are waiting if im gonna forgive Him or not. But ofcoures i forgive Him, coz I am not a stone hearted person. Imagine a guy infront of u holding flowers and telling you hes sorry. Thats so sweet. And so heart melting scene. And then after, we went to the mall watch a movie, then eat at chowking (beefwanton with not so hot, hot sauce), then we went to baywalk. It's felts so amazing if your with the guy you really love and having a so natural conversation while walking. Laughing, holding hands.

Thats one of our more happy moments together. But that love now is just a memory. Deserve to be kept and cherish. Now were just friends. But a good friend.

"Love is always patient and kind, it's never jealous.

Love is never boastful or concieted, it is never rude or selfish,

it is not take offense, it is not resendable."

"You will never forget your first love. That's what makes it so special. You love so hard, so deeply, and so intensely because you don’t know any different. It's the best until it is over. Then you hurt like you've never been hurt before. Eventually you love again, but you love differently. You will love more carefully, more cautiously. Just know that there is so much more love waiting for you, but there will always only be one first."

HONESTY:

2009-08-19T03:09:00.000-04:00

"When you're in love with someone it inspires you and gives you hope.

You have faith that even if you can't be with them on earth, that if God wills,

you will be with them one day in heaven."

"I may not get to see you as often as I like.

I may not get to hold you in my arms all through the night.

But deep in my heart I truly know, you're the one that I love,

and I can't let you go."

Honesty is a very important ingredient in a relationship.

In any kind of relationship.

You can find new friends if you are honest.

And specially "LOVE".

Just being your self means already honesty.

U can gain trust if ur honest.

Don't be afraid. Don't be shy. Don't let your love flew with air again.

Just believe in you self. Be honest.

Try to LOVE and BELOVED.

HAPPINESS:

2009-08-19T01:54:00.000-04:00

"Happiness is not found at the end of the road, it is experienced along the way.

So take not for granted each moment of your life and you will find a reason to be happy each day."

HAPPINESS:

How can people say that they are happy?

Me, sometimes I can't say weather I am happy or sad.

I used to be sad. So when I am happy it's nothings different.

"Happiness is the only thing on earth that cannot be paid by any diamonds, gold or money."

"Happiness is as a butterfly which, when pursued is always beyond our grasp,

but if you sit down quietly may alight upon you."

"Laughter is like a fresh new day, each giggle is the dawn of a new morning;

brighten up your day and smile with laughter."

"Happiness looks too small when you hold it in your hands,

just let it go once, and you realize how precious it was."

"Happiness does not come in bottles."

"Happiness is worthless in money, but precious in your life."

"Happiness adds and multiplies when we divide it with others."

"To be happy is the choice I wish to make in spite of the circumstances that are strewn in my path."

HEARTBREAK:

2009-08-18T15:58:00.000-04:00

"A heart breaking isn't always as loud as a bomb exploding..

Sometimes it can be as quiet as a feather falling..

And the most painful thing is, no one really hears it, except you.."

A heartbreak always a part of LOVE.

Weather how urge u wan't to ignore it, if it gonna happen, it will happen.

And we can't do anything but to accept it.

I got hurt many times.

And everytime it happens I always learned new lessons.

What should I do to make things more easier if destiny gives me a opportunity to LOVE again:

Even how long we practice, we can't make our relationships perfect.

There's always be a sadness and a heartbreak.

And i believe

"EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON"

And it is..

But sometimes I can't help but ask myself what are the reason?

And sadly, I can't find the answers.

Everyone of us, I know, want's to LOVE and BELOVED.

Especially ME.

But there are times we chose to be alone rather than to get hurt again.

That's ME.

But there are also times that we chose to Love again like we never been hurt.

Like ME.

Well what can we do?

Love is always in our lives.

We will never be stoped loving.

We always feel love, coz we love to love.

It's just that we afraid to show it,

Because were afraid to a

"HEARTBREAK"

"All of our young lives we search for someone to love, someone who makes us complete.

We choose partners and change partners.

We dance to a song of heartbreak and hope, all the while wondering if somewhere and somehow there is someone searching for us."

SADNESS:

2009-08-18T15:27:00.000-04:00

"I always knew that looking back to the cries would make me laugh;

but I never knew that looking back to the laughs would make me cry."

I am sitting and facing to my computer wondering and thinking why I am "SAD"?

And came out with this blog.

I always make people around me happy. But why I can't be happy?

I've been like this for so long. And Im getting tired.

I wan't to see myself again what I am before.

Always smiling and laughing.

I can't control myself anymore. Even though im trying my best.

I smile and I laugh but behind of those smiling and laughters my heart is crying.

Hoping that someday I'll be ok.

Find my happiness.

I believe that people who feel sad, once they found their happiness. their never be sad again.

People are alone find their partner never be alone again.

People are crying find a shoulder to cry on will never cry again.

And people are not contented will be contented.

Sadness is a feeling that is hard to ignore.

Sadness is always in everybodys life.

Especially in me.

But I'm still hoping that "Someday, Oneday" everythings gonna be alright.

"Hearts are tough. Most of the times they don't break. Most times they only bend."

CRITICISM:

2009-08-18T13:54:00.000-04:00

People criticize others by what? By their actions. The way they move and speak/talk. What their talking about etc. But who are they to criticize others? Who are you to talk to me like that? If my english language is not that good. So what? Why? Can you speak english fluently? As far i as know I can speak english more that you do. So don't act like you know everything. Look at your self, ask yourself if what you did is right. Your too boastful. I don't know you anymore. Your different now from what before. You know why? Because your being so Bitter. Let go. Everything is done. Accept it.

Im being hurt now by the person i did'nt expect to hurt me. He judge me like he don't know me. Well now I know what color your personality is. Stop hiding from your Good Looking Face. Because how beautiful ur out is how ugly you are inside. That's ashame. I really feel sorry for you. This person ask me onetime if why his friends and other people look at him like a boastful and plastic person. I don't know the answer before. But now I know. Because he just show me. And may be I saw it before but because hes my friend I never look at him like that.

Well Every person has a attitude. Me? Im sure I have.

I can accept opinions or corrections if it sed in a nice way.

"Look people for what are their best/correct not in their mistakes/wrong"

All about me

2009-08-08T15:30:00.000-04:00

Me as a person I always make sure that all the people around me are happy and ok. As a EMOTIONAL person, sometimes it's hard to get along to other people. Being so EMOTIONAL, is sometimes pulling me to the limit. I sometimes did something that hurt others feelings. I usually/always hide my true feelings inside me. Always smile, laugh and throw some jokes everytime im in front, with or around people. But when I am alone, thats the time SADNESS strikes me. I always pray that hopefully sooner or later i can be happy again. No more hiding. I often cry in the middle of my sleep. Thingking why? Why me? Why Im always like this? Why I can't be happy? I always encounter a lot of difficulties. Sometimes i thought I was born to be like this the whole lifetime. But having a loving family, and so nice and kind friends, gives me the courage to fight and look forward for the best. So here I am, trying my very best to be happy. And hopefully soon i can smile, laugh and be as me, MYSELF again.

"I don't need anyone to take advantage of my weaknesses or my strengths, I need someone who will appreciate me for everything that I am."

"THIS IS ALL ABOUT ME"